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Communicating with Parents-How Can I Talk to Parents? (In general)......

Why is it important to talk to them? Is that necessary?

 How can I talk to them? I know they get upset and reject my questions when I ask them anyway…

I have difficulty talking openly with my parents. Who should I talk to?

I always argue with my parents. I rather not to talk to them to avoid unnecessary conflict. Is there any way that I can talk to my parents without any conflicts?

Do I need to tell every single thing to my parents?

 

Q. Why is it important to talk to them? Is that necessary?

When you have supportive and caring family relationships, especially with your parents, then your mental health will definitely be better because you have more protection against the bad things that may happen in your life time.

For example, if you are failing at school, you wouldn’t stress out about letting your parents or people who support you know as much as someone who did not have the benefit of such positive relationships.

When you feel you belong and are supported by a family, the ups and downs of life are easier to get through. Just remember that relationships between you and your family need attention and need to work for you.

Also, you may find that your parents are able to understand and help more than you think. Sharing your world with your parents can help you overcome some of the obstacles. Parents face peer pressure, too. And they have made mistakes. Their experiences can help you learn how to deal with the problems you face.

Other important points to keep in your mind!!

You may feel that you need privacy and freedom from your parents, yet building trust with your parents is the ultimate key to freedom. From being trustworthy, honest and reliable, it will become a lot easier for them to say yes to your propositions.  You need to understand that without mutual respect any relationship will be unhappy.

Q. How can I talk to them? I know they get upset and reject my questions when I ask them anyway…

It is challenging, however, now could be the time to change some things in your behavior, too.  If your parents get upset when you tell them the truth, you have to “train” them to stay calm.  You should try giving a clear reason to them and setting an example for them. It may not work the first time, so you should not have too much high expectation right away.  But remember that you have the power and ability to change their behavior and create a new adult relationship with them. This definitely takes big  effort on your part, but it will be wonderful and worth trying for yourself.

Also you should tell your parents that you want them to see into your world but do not want them to jump in and solve all of your problems. You can let them know you will accept their advice and counsel, but you want to handle problems on your own, but you assure them that if things get too tough, or if you can’t handle a problem, you will come to them for help. This makes them feel relieved about you. 

 Q. I have difficulty talking openly with my parents. Who should I talk to?

You may try to…

  1. Talk with your close and good friends. Express your feelings to your trusted and good friends.
  2. Trust your instincts. If you feel uncomfortable talking to your parent, tell whomever you feel comfortable with for a while, until you can figure out what you are feeling, to your parents.
  3. Talk to a trusted adult. Maybe you do not think you know an adult you can trust. Well, they’re out there. You should not be afraid to ask for help. There has to be an aunt or uncle, grandparent, cousin, counselor, teacher, coach, or someone else with whom you can build a trusting relationship. You must have experienced that you feel powerless and just want some outside advice and support. These adults around you may come up with solutions that you did not expect.

 

Q. I always argue with my parents. I rather not talk to them to avoid unnecessary conflict. Is there any way that I can talk to my parents without any conflicts?

If you have difficulty talking calmly to your parents, now is the time to learn how. You need to learn to talk in a mature and unemotional way. Try not to allow yourself to get upset even though they may ask too much questions or give you some advice. Keep yourself cool. That’s the only mature way to proceed. You may feel this is too tough to act, but most important thing to keep in your mind is to never give up!

Conflict and argument exist in our everyday life since we are all different.  You may face these conflicts and arguments outside your home as well. Therefore, let’s face it, conflict happens in families and this is where we learn and develop our own ways of handling conflict. (These can be positive or negative.)

Tips to avoid conflict and heated arguments

·         Trying to stay calm as much as you can. Being mature and respectful during any negotiation will help your parents see that you are now growing up and becoming more mature.  These attitudes should be allowed you more independent and responsible.

·         When arguments become too heated, try letting your parents and yourself cool down for a while before beginning negotiations again in a calm, mature and respectful manner. Yet, remember that you cannot always have everything you would like – negotiation works both ways

·         Remember that yelling never helps, it only aggravates

·         Respect each other in general and know that these rules work both ways

* Getting on badly with the people you love can make you feel terrible. You may think they’re being unreasonable and they may think you’re being cheeky.

Q.  Do I need to tell every single thing to my parents?

It is not necessary to talk every single thing to your parents, but let them know what’s going on in your life. Tell them the good things that happened or the problems you encountered.  You may be afraid of what your parents’ reactions might be. And sometimes there are good reasons why they feel that way. But most parents want to know where you went and what you did because they really care.

Yet, you should not lie or hide things. It may seem like a perfect short-term solution, however, when your parents find out, you will be right back to the beginning or you may get in more trouble than before.

Just always try to communicate with your parents. Not only does it let them know when you might need their help, but it also builds closeness. Share your thoughts and feelings with them and listen to their advice. It’s your choice whether you take it or not, but you’ll have to accept the consequences that might come from not taking their advice

 

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